Adjusting Perspectives

Transformation is not for the faint of heart.  Some days I feel at a disadvantage in this department. 

The diet is hard.  And it's not just the longing for those comfy carbs (my new favorite pastime is 'remember when we ate...'  Remember when we ate chicken fingers and french fries with chocolate malts in Michigan with Uncle Joe? That was good. Really hit the spot.  Remember when we made waffles at the shelter and I ate the first one, golden and perfect, right out of the iron?  That was amazing.  It's kind of like self-inflicted torture...but I can entertain myself for hours with this game).  There are other aspects of the diet that are hard on my body...my stomach, my digestion and my energy level to name a few.  It's quite an adjustment.  It's a lot of food (more calories than I typically eat), a lot of protein, not a lot of fiber, and a lot of unusual flavors (turns out I have a very finicky palette!).  Oh, and did I mention that getting to talk about your bowel movements with total strangers is another daily perk of this experience?  I have no less than three people ask me each day how many poo poo?  It's delightful.

But, leave it to life to rub it in that I am human – with a human body.  Why is it so hard for me to accept this reality?  I find myself continually distraught over the realities of human bodies.  Their functions.  Their shapes.  Their feelings.  I find it all so uncomfortable – and I don't like discomfort.  It dampens my spirit, forces me to sit in reality...and I am not a realist.  I am a dreamer...I thrive on the imagine if and wouldn't it be nice if.  I much prefer the idea of miraculous transformation and the mystical wonders of the world to the science of the human body and how it actually functions.  Somebody once told me that you can manifest any of your desires, but if you want more money you can't just wish it into being...you actually have to put money in the bank.

Well, turns out, if you want to change your body you can't just wish it into being, you actually have to do something different...even if it's temporarily uncomfortable.  I can tell you though...some days it's fricken hard.  You hear all these stories of people who have made remarkable transformations – overcoming injuries, battling diseases, weight loss, you name it – I have so much respect for these people when I think about what they must have endured to get where they are.  But I take comfort in the fact that people do do it.

A big part of this week has been adjusting expectations and perspectives.  This is not a quick process.  This is not an easy process.  When I first arrived I met a woman who was in her last week here and she had this air of disappointment to her.  I remember her husband saying that she was really hoping to be able to walk when she left here, but it's a lot harder for adults to see quick results.  The more time you spend here the more you learn – and it's a lot more realistic to expect improvements over the next 6 months to a year.  This is kind of like a 30 day crash course in a new way of living (a new way of thinking), and then it's up to you to take it home and implement changes in your everyday life that nurture and support the development of your new cells – and hopefully keep them healthy longer – while you continue to rebuild your body.  This is kind of just the beginning.

I was reminded today that I've made it my life's work to help other people change their lives – apparently I'm supposed to know a thing or two about how this works.  One of the things that we know to be true at the shelter is: attitude is everything.  I think I need to take my own advice – everybody has their own program, keep your eye on the prize, be kind to others (and yourself!), try your very best...and take it one day at a time.