The time has come to say goodbye...

The time has come to say goodbye.  This has been our little home away from home these past 35 days – and seeing as it's Valentine’s Day, we’re spreading the love.

When we first arrived one of the staff said, “If you need anything, you let us know…we’re like family here.”  This could not have been a truer statement.  The kindness and hospitality of the staff has been the greatest joy of this experience.  So thank you Better Being!

From Dr. Torsak and my morning entourage..

To the super sweet (and funny!) nurses...

To Dr. Worowit (we used our time during acupuncture to teach him some American slang, like hitches, as in 'we don't need any more hitches,' and foodie, as in 'yes, the food network is still on...because we are foodies!')...

To the nutrition team...

All of the customer service staff...

The lovely ladies who clean our room everyday...

And of course all of the PT crew…who I sadly don’t have a picture with.

It is with much love and gratitude that we say goodbye.  But I’m ready to come home and start the next chapter of this journey.  Farewell Bangkok, you will not be forgotten.

California Stars by Billy Bragg and Wilco.  California…I’m coming home.

Farewell, my love

Today was the last swim.  The pool has definitely been my most favorite part…if only it would fit in my suitcase.

I thought I'd share one last happiness in action...

So, farewell my love.  Until we meet again...

Fare Thee Well by Oscar Isaac & Marcus Mumford.  Because goodbyes are always bittersweet - bitter because it's over and sweet because, for a moment, you were mine.

Finding Balance

This final week has been about putting all the pieces together.

On Tuesday we met with Dr. Torsak to discuss some test results and various reasons why my body had such an extreme reaction to the spinal injections (my aftermath is not the norm).  It comes as no surprise that my test results also indicated that I am not the norm (at least I'm consistent).  The tests showed a high level of inflammation in my body, a wildly upside down inter to outer cellular water ratio (basically weak cellular membranes are not allowing the cells to retain water), and some nutrient deficiencies (iron, vitamin D).  Put it all together and I have a rather compromised immune system – my body is not equipped to respond to stressors, so when it encounters stress the impact is more severe and it takes much longer for my system to recover.

After injections, the stem cells basically go to the bone marrow and 'hang out' while they mature and wait for a signal from the body for what it needs – and this maturation stage can take up to three months.  However, as long as the body is compromised the only signal it will get is to respond to the immediate inflammation.  So, step one is to get my body healthier – which fortunately isn't that complicated.  Following the nutritional plan and continued physical therapy will do the trick – and some time of course.  Then step two will be to get those stem cells to start regenerating some strength!  It's a doable plan – it's just going to take some diligence, some consistency, and a few tough changes in my day to day lifestyle.

Speaking of tough changes, on Wednesday we met with the nutritionist again.  The first time we met she gave me a homework assignment...to create some sample meal plans for when I get home...and, being the procrastinator that I am (my roommate didn't call me a slacker in college for nothing), I finally got around to doing my homework this week.

The good news is, I got an 'A' on my assignment.  The bad news is, the diet is COMPLICATED.  Each day I have to eat three balanced, diversified meals that altogether break down to:

13 portions of protein

4 portions of non- starchy vegetables

1/2 portion of a starchy vegetable

1 portion of fruit

1/2 portion of a grain

1/2 portion of a low fat dairy

2 portions of nuts and seeds

4 portions of avocado

6 teaspoons of olive oil

1 tablespoon of coconut oil

While I have had very little starchy vegetables or grains here (occasionally I get a few pieces of potato or a small amount of quinoa), when I'm home I can have a few carbs each day...like 1/4 cup of rice or half a piece of bread (I will take what I can get...and yes, strategically using these precious carbs is going to become a daily highlight!).

However, you may have noticed that sugar is not on the menu...and although they don't expect you to adhere to a firm never the loss of my beloved daily 'treat' is something that required a little grieving.  I felt rather sad about it after the nutrition meeting – a lot sad.  The AMA stages of grief began with a walk down memory lane and a tribute to my favorite bites of the year.

Gosh those were good.  Then we wallowed for a minute in the heartbreak of having to further restrict an already restricted life – especially when my sweet treats aren't just an enjoyable indulgence; I have a passion for the process.  Baking is my thing – and I've spent a lot of time perfecting my craft.

But we finally found our acceptance in balance.  A wise soul told me that living a balanced life is far healthier for your whole being than restricting yourself to an extreme to benefit just one aspect of your being.  So never is not going to be a part of the new regime, but occasional will – and I'm confident that I can learn to live with that.  It's still going to be a difficult adjustment though.

The need for balance has been a bit of a recurring theme on this journey – a need for emotional balance...physical balance...lifestyle balance.  And the real test is going to be when I get home – to see if I can find a way to balance this new lifestyle (a lifestyle of self-care and discipline) with my old (which still has all the same demands of work, family, friends...and my own desire for a bit of fun and spontaneity).  But it is, after all, the equilibrium of opposites that creates balance.  Which, if you think about it, means we really can have it all – just not all the time.

So, I have my work cut out for me…but I’m feeling good and I’m coming home equipped with lots of new knowledge, new tools and some memorable new felt experiences – not to mention all of my new cells!  We practice balancing in the water.  They turn the jets on and you have to stand in the current and keep your balance with the core of your body.  At first this was really hard…but I’m getting better, and we’ve inched our way closer and closer to the jet.

simply grand, darling!

We've been here for a month today...and since it's Sunday, the occasion called for an outing (I'm getting a little better at outings!).  I took the liberty of choosing the day's events and I decided that we needed a little pampering (Did I mention that Sundays don't come with hot water?  It's just another special Bangkok quirk).  So, after our cold showers, we headed to the Grand Hyatt Hotel for a bit of spa treatment and a small treat!

The Grand Hyatt was quite lovely.  We enjoyed a facial at the i.sawan spa...which was so so enjoyable.

Afterwards, we took a tour of the hotel and the adjacent Erawan Mall.

And then we had an afternoon treat in the Garden Lounge (a smidge of cheating is permitted on Sunday…says I).  I love that cups of tea here come with a small complimentary morsel.  I think all tea should be served this way. 

Overall, the afternoon was like a little breath of fresh air...I'm starting to feel like I'm getting the hang of this Bangkok thing.  Of course we will be leaving in 6 days, 16 hours and 35 minutes...but who's counting?

Preparing for Company

More stem cells arrived on Friday.  We have a little routine here that on stem cell days we prepare for company...mom always says, Company is coming from China today, are you ready?

With only two treatments left, I've been trying to keep myself in the right frame of mind and make the most of these last injections and the time left.  Since I've been feeling better (such a nice change of pace!), I decided to get back to what I like to do best...create!  I have another favorite meditation that says the healing process is creative.  (And of course, in my world, creative equals time for crayons!).  So this is how I prepare for company...

The IV injection is a breeze compared to the lumbar.  We had tea while we waited...

And then Dr. Torsak stopped by for the delivery.  Quick, painless…and relatively side effect free!

Mixing It Up

Today we decided to mix it up.  We had the morning off from therapies, and seeing as the mother was starting to develop a serious case of 'cabin fevah,' we went out!  A couple blocks down the street from us is a mall called the Emporium.  It's kind of fascinating that amidst the rather unglamorous chaos that is the streets of Bangkok, your taxi can pull in front of an unassuming cement building and inside you'll find what can only be described as South Coast Plaza on steroids.  The Emporium is six levels of everything from Cartier and Chanel to Louis Vuitton and Fendi.

The upper level is a food market and there was lots to look at...and even some old familiar choices, like Krispy Kreme and my beloved Starbucks (sadly there was no protein box).  The best, however, was a little restaurant that looked like something out of Moulin Rouge and whose sign proudly proclaimed 'Italian Food – Clothing – Foot Massage – Coffee and Desserts.'

Oh, and just in case you're wondering, they do have an accessible bathroom at the Emporium (sans toilet paper and soap, of course)...but I think that still counts as progress.

A love letter to life...

My Dearest Life,

I’ve been thinking of you, and all the things I love about you.

I love that you gave me a mother who is unwavering and fierce in her beliefs.  She never fails to be calm under pressure and if I lose my focus for even a second, I can rest assured that she will point me in the right direction.  (She is also a strong proponent of good fun that is funny…and knows how to lighten even the dullest of days!)

I love that you gave me my family and loved ones.  To be surrounded by such steadfast support is something for which I will always be grateful.  There is a song that I think of often that says, the days are darker than the dark dark nights, so we hold hands and dance till we shine – this always makes me think of my lovely ones.  They cheer me on.  Entertain me with their stories.  Make me laugh.  Remind me that I am loved.  And even with eight thousand miles between us, they stand in the darkness with me and hold my hand…and help me find the light.

I love that you gave me the opportunity to have this experience and the potential it holds for positive change.  I love that you surrounded me with the kindest of people here – each one unique and warm and loving.  Whether it’s the nurses or the doctors or the PT staff, they all continue to encourage me.  They sit next to me on my bed, they rub my hand, they tell me to fight, they smile and they laugh.  This is one of the things about life that I love most and have always loved about working at Friendship Shelter – the opportunity to witness the endless array of unique people that exist in this world.  No two are the same.  Each is beautiful in his own right.  And even the ones that seem hard to take at times will surprise you eventually.  The goodness is in everyone – if you look for it.

I love that you have given me these new cells.  That they are at home now in me and they are going to flourish and thrive.  It’s kind of remarkable if you think about how this is all made possible…and that it starts with a random stranger – in China.

I love that you have given me so much beauty to gaze upon.  Even though I don’t get to see much of nature at the moment, my heart remembers.  I love puffy white clouds…the kind you could swim in or eat with a giant spoon.  I love garden roses in full bloom…and dahlias, lots of dahlias.  I love birds that perch and chirp and hop about.  I love trees, and the perfect color of green that the sun creates when it shines on a leaf.  And I love the sunset over the ocean and the color of blush in the sky that only the heavens can create.

I love that you gave me so many ways to enjoy the talents and creativity of others – music, shows, movies, books.  I’ve had a bit of time to pass and I’ve had so many opportunities to see what other people are doing in the world with their time and energies.  I’ve watched hours of the food network, traveling across the world to see people’s culinary imaginations come to life.  I’ve been entertained by movies I haven’t seen in years.  I’ve laughed with Ellen.  And let’s not forget those voices and those sounds that bring me peace and joy and comfort…like really nothing else can.

And lastly, I love that you have given me everything that I need.  I am safe.  I am well-kept.  I am internally rich, equipped with a wealth of resources.  And I am loved.  So my dearest life, today my heart is full of gratitude…for you.

With love,

Me

Oven by Seven Mary Three.  If my soul had a sound, it would sound like Jason Ross.  I’ve had a love affair with this voice since I was probably fifteen – my brother gave me a Seven Mary Three CD, and at the time I had no idea what a significant part of my being this voice would become.  Somehow, I always find my way back to it.